You May Think I’m A Douchebag… Pt 2

So, as I was saying, I pay a lot of attention to the movie industry. My dream job would be something involving it. But as it stands, I’m just an onlooker who downloads a fuckload of movies and buys the ones I like. Oh, I also go to the movies. So this year I’ve been watching a lot of movies, and keeping up with the awards ceremonies, similar to last year. In my research, I stumbled upon Roger Ebert’s article about the Oscar’s. And sure, there’s nothing particularly wrong with the article itself, other than no mention whatsoever of Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Pt. 2. I might disagree with a lot of what Roger Ebert says, but the fact of the matter is, this is all opinion based. I thought The Tree of Life was the most condescending piece of shit this side of Kanye West, but I mean that’s just my opinion. I don’t want to get into the fact that a lot of what I consider the best of the year was left out at the Academy Awards, and pretty much every other awards show this year. No, my argument stems from the comments on the article, which come from fans of Roger Ebert like myself. The difference is, I hope to never come off as… well what the people commenting sound like. Just… douchebaggy. And then I realized, who am I to say what the top 10 best movies of 2011 are. And for that matter, who else is? It’s all based on opinion. So rather than tell you what I think are the 10 best films of 2011, I will list of a group of movies I really enjoyed this year in alphabetical order.

- 50/50

- The Descendants

- Drive

- The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

- Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Pt. 2

- Hugo

- Midnight In Paris

- Moneyball

- Tinker, Tailor, Soldier Spy

- X-Men: First Class

So there you have it. My 10 favourite movies of 2011. We’ll consider them to be my own personal Academy Award Nominations for Best Picture, named the Kyle Rogers Award for Best Picture. So, which of these is my absolute favourite of the year? Well, that would be a very, very hard choice, considering how great each of them is. I’ll be  in touch.

You May Think I’m A Douchebag…

It’s been a while since I’ve posted in this blog because I’ve been spending too much time doing very little. But that isn’t the matter at hand here. For those who know me, you probably may have noticed how much I enjoy movies. And I can understand that maybe I get a bit weird about them sometimes. I mean, I’m a 17 year old boy and I made a blog post about what I think should have won and what I though would win at the Academy Awards last year. Well I’ve had a bit of an epiphany or something.

I watch lots of movies. I enjoy lots of movies, and when I enjoy them enough, I go out and snag myself a blu-ray copy of it. I get a lot of shit about that from some people. They say things like “Hey man, why go out and spend money on movies when you can download a rip of the same thing.” And I always say the same thing, which is that I enjoy collecting things. And I still do enjoy collecting things. I own around 62 blu-ray movies, they all sit on a shelf next to my computer. I’ve watched all but 7 of them. The first two on this list are The Godfather and The Godfather Part II. Those are supposed to be some of the best films ever made, and yet they’ve been sitting untouched on my shelf for around 4 months now. Why is that, you may ask? I can’t say. I honestly don’t know why I haven’t sat down and watched what are considered to be two of the greatest films on the history of the planet. The next on the list is The Bridge on the River Kwai, which is supposed to be one of the greatest WWII films ever made. Yet it has been sitting untouched on my shelf for nearly 2 months. Numbers four and five on this list are The Girl Who Played With Fire and The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest, but I only bought those two weeks ago and primarily because it was the entire blu-ray trilogy for $24.99. I’m in no rush here. And finally, on my list of movies I own but have not watched, we have Gangs of New York, directed by the one and only Martin Scorsese. I really do enjoy Martin Scorsese movies, so the only logical reason I have for not having seen Gangs of New York despite the fact that I got it for Christmas is that it’s a really long movie and it is exam week.

Well this post turned out longer than I thought it would, and I have a ridiculously hard French exam tomorrow, so I will continue this at a later time. Trust me, my story really does get more interesting.

 

 

I type like a douchebag would type don’t I? I should find a way to make my blog posts funnier than they are. And sound less pretentious. But wait, am I pretentious? Who knows… Well, would a pretentious person say that Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Part 2 is a better film than whatever the fuck wins the Academy Award for Best Picture this year? I think not. Then again, I am only 17 and my opinion doesn’t mean much, does it.

The Last Decade

We need a better name for the years between 2000 and 2009. The Aughts? Not working for me. The Notties? Who came up with that shit. For now, it’s just gonna be the last decade. And oh boy, that last decade had some awesome music. Ever since I watched High Fidelity, I have had a weird fetish with making lists of my top 5 or top 10 of a certain thing. I was going to make a list of my Top 10 albums of the last decade, but It was difficult to narrow down to just 10 without leaving out some other amazing albums. So, here is my list of my Top 20 Albums of the Last Decade.

20. Dear Catastrophe Waitress (2003) – Belle & Sebastian: Out of all of their albums, I find Dead Catastrophe Waitress to be Belle & Sebastian’s most interesting. Most of their music is quiet and soft, but this album is much more… playful? I can’t think of a better word than that. If all of the songs were able to match the perfection of “Step Into My Office, Baby,” this album could be much much higher on my list. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still fantastic, just slightly underwhelming compared to the opening track.

19. Abattoir Blues/The Lyre of Orpheus (2004) – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds: I wonder if I should only put The Lyre of Orpheus on this. Pretty much, Abattoir Blues and The Lyre of Orpheus are two entirely different albums packaged together. They are both amazing, but The Lyre of Orpheus takes the cake as the better of the two in my opinion. Abattoir Blues is more rock & roll than anything, with fast paced songs like “Get Ready for Love” which pretty much ironically has a gospel chorus of “Praise Him.” Abattoir Blues is good, but The Lyre of Orpheus completely blows it out of the water in my opinion. It’s a more elegant and quiet album, with bits of blues and folk thrown in the mix. Also, if you watched Deathly Hallows Part 1, you have heard the amazing “O Children.”

18. Twin Cinema (2005) – The New Pornographers: As far as Indie Rock goes, this album is at the top. All of the songs are instantly likeable and recognizable. But what makes this album shine above others is the harmonies, mainly because everyone in The New Pornographers is a fantastic singer. This album has some of the best harmonies in modern music. If you want a sample, listen to “Bones Of An Idol” or “The Bleeding Heart Show

17. Merriweather Post Pavilion (2009) – Animal Collective: I thought this album was overrated for the longest time. Everyone gave it endless praise for God knows what. And then I listened to it a second time. I still don’t know exactly why, but I actually enjoy this album a lot now. It’s very difficult to describe, you need to listen to it a few times to understand. Except “Summertime Clothes,” which is instantly likeable.

16. Stankonia (2000) – OutKast: Another difficult to describe album. Well, it’s not as difficult as Merriweather, but this will take some thought. Stankonia is definitely an ambitious album. As far as Hip-Hop goes, this album bends the rules more than any other album in Hip-Hop history. It flies around at different paces, throwing awesome song after awesome song at you, spanning a variety of themes and genres and what not. My favorite track is everyone else’s as well, “B.O.B.

15. The Campfire Headphase (2005) – Boards of Canada: Boards of Canada are, in my opinion, the masters of ambient and downtempo music. If you have heard of them, then there is a good chance you know their debut is one of the most acclaimed electronic albums ever made. It is very good. I, however, was introduced to Boards of Canada through this album. I don’t understand the critisism it gets, I find it to be a masterpiece, being both relaxing and beautiful at the same time as invigorating. One complaint some have is the guitars added into the mix, but if you ask me, they make the album shine. Listen to “Chromakey Dreamcoat” or “Satellite Anthem Icarus” and tell me they don’t sound good.

14. American Idiot (2004) – Green Day: I know what you’re thinking: “Oh no, Green Day… there goes his indie-cred.” Well deal with it. Green Day is one of the biggest bands around, and because of that it isn’t cool to like them anymore. People who don’t like them generally don’t actually not like them, but are just too afraid to admit that they have good music. Good music such as American Idiot, which is a modern classic. I understand that it got a bit overplayed, but that doesn’t make it not good, just overplayed. Green Day took a leap making a rock opera, and it payed off if you ask me.

13. The Moon & Antarctica (2000) – Modest Mouse: As far as Modest Mouse goes, The Moon & Antarctica is definitely their most atmospheric. The entire album is moody and melodic, as opposed to the indie rock-ness of their earlier work. Some say that they sold out with this album until they actually listen to it and decide it is in fact a fantastic listen. The lyrics are so well written, it will blow your mind. To sum up the album, you could just listen to “Gravity Rides Everything,” but by doing that, you would be missing the darker songs that need to be experienced. So yeah, just listen to the whole album.

12. Discovery (2001) – Daft Punk: Somehow, this album is a concept album that tells a story. I don’t see how that’s possible considering the lack of lyrics on all but four songs. I can understand that it serves as a soundtrack to some anime movie. What matters to me though, is the fact that it’s the best collection of House music ever released. All of the songs, even the ones that are under 2 minutes, are extremely awesome and well made. It’s hard to even pick a favorite, just listen to it all.

11. Neon Bible (2007) – Arcade Fire: What I love about Arcade Fire is that all of their albums have a different feel to them. Neon Bible is much more grandiose than anything else they’ve done, using all of the instruments they had available in all but one song, the very sombre “Neon Bible.” Everything else on the album has an intense feel, which is what makes it so fantastic. And when the entire group gets playing at once, it’s mind blowing, like the climax of “Windowsill,” or the entire “No Cars Go.”

10. Warning (2000) – Green Day/Vampire Weekend (2008) – Vampire Weekend : I know, I know, another Green Day album. Well, if you ask me, Warning is their most underrated album. Nobody seems to realize that it isn’t them being lame, it’s them experimenting, which is what makes it so damn brilliant. If you ask me, by the time Nimrod was released, the band was getting bored of punk, which is why a select few songs on Nimrod aren’t even punk at all. Well the entire Warning isn’t punk either. It’s incredibly catchy and well written music, plain and simple. Especially “Warning” itself. God I love that song.

Because of my forgetfulness and the fact that it was not in my iTunes library, I somehow forgot Vampire Weekend’s self-titled debut in this list, and that is an album I enjoy quite a lot. Rather than re-doing the entire list, I just added it as a tie for number 10, so deal with it.

9. In Rainbows (2007) – Radiohead: Yes, the electronica by Radiohead is amazing. But by reverting back to alternative with In Rainbows, Radiohead was able to put out more of the emotional and dark music that I have a soft spot for. Not a single song on this album is bad. It’s all beautiful, in fact. This album just screams beauty. The title, In Rainbows, is beautiful, the music is beautiful, even the album cover is beautiful. I love it. Especially “House Of Cards.”

8. Elephant (2003) – The White Stripes: This is the best garage rock album of all time. It’s so perfectly made, every song perfectly performed and written, I love it. From the extremely catchy opening of “Seven Nation Army” to the folky closing of “Well it’s True That We Love One Another,” this album is just so good. Every song is extremely catchy and unforgettable. Even the 7 minute long blues epic “Ball and Biscuit.” I wish I was as talented as Jack White.

7. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot (2002) – Wilco: As I have said about this album in the past, it is very mysterious. It doesn’t really fall under any specific genre. Also, every song is so well written, I think the lyrics on this are some of the most interesting of the decade. They’re very creative and use a lot of imagery. It’s complex, yet you always know what the songs are about. Listen to “I’m The Man Who Loves You,” or “I Am Trying To Break Your Heart.”

6. Is This It (2001) – The Strokes: This album has so much groove. By groove I mean it’s instantly likeable and very catchy, despite the somewhat simplicity of it all. It’s impossible to stand still while listening to it, and once you know the lyrics, you’re gonna want to sing along. It has a lot of confidence as well, starting off with one slowish song followed by an entire album of groovy 70′s inspired post-punk that never lasts too long and is always awesome. I’m sure you’ve heard “Last Nite” at least once, but my personal favorite is “The Modern Age.”

5. Kid A (2000) – Radiohead: OK Computer was a very difficult album to follow, so instead of trying to best it, Radiohead reinvented their sound, producing what some call the best album of the decade. I can understand why they love it so much, however it takes a few listens to fully appreciate. Once you get going, you will see how very interesting this album is. From the opening keys of the masterful “Everything In Its Right Place” to the closing keys of “Motion Picture Soundtrack,” everything on Kid A is mind blowingly good. Even the people who were put off by the cold electronic sound of the album were blown away with both “The National Anthem” and “How To Disappear Completely” (which is my personal favorite). It may have taken a while to fully appreciate the dark electronica on this album, but once you do, oh Lord is it fantastic.

4. Late Registration (2005) – Kanye West: If someone were to ask me who I think is the best rapper out there, without thinking I would say Kanye West. No single person has pushed the boundaries of what can be considered “rap music” as much as he has. It also helps that his music, especially that of Late Registration, is extremely well produced, probably because of Kanye’s experience as a music producer and engineer. Late Registration has the best collection of songs out of Kanye’s albums (before 2010), its only problem is the skits, which can be irritating. They were funny at first, but after a while, I just want to listen to the music, especially considering how amazing it all is. It helps that the skits are all under a minute each.

3. Sound Of Silver (2007) – LCD Soundsystem: It takes a very rare kind of talent to be able to make dance music as good as what’s on Sound Of Silver, and clearly James Murphy has it, because, for all intents and purposes, he is LCD Soundsystem. The first three songs on this album are perfect, fast paced electronic songs, with my favorite being “North American Scum,” which adds a bit of alternative to the mix. The next two songs are where this fantastic album really shines. Combining pure emotion with fantastic production, “Someone Great” and “All My Friends” are in my Top 10 Songs of the Last Decade. They’re so good, it’s hard to describe. I don’t know a single person who didn’t love either of them, despite the face that they’re both over 6 minutes long. After “All My Friends” comes three more fantastic, fast paced electronic songs, the best of which being the almost Depeche Mode sounding “Sound Of Silver.” The last song on the track is the bittersweet “New York, I Love You, But You’re Bringing Me Down,” which should also blow you out of the water. This is a perfect album for two reasons, A: Every song is legitimately fantastic, and B: It is an electronic album that has both wit and emotion. It doesn’t matter if all but two of the songs are longer than 5 minutes, they fly by.

2. Sea Change (2002) – Beck: I have so much I could say about Sea Change because it has gotten me through so much in my life. Whenever I feel sad, I listen to this album. Whenever I am tired, I listen to this album. Whenever I am stressed, I listen to this album. This album is the most comforting thing I possess at this point. Beck wrote this album after his girlfriend of nine years broke up with him. This is an album of a broken heart, but it isn’t bitter at all. This album serves as comfort to you when you are distressed in any way. Sea Change is about the healing. It starts of with the beautiful “The Golden Age,” and the healing begins. Through the next nine songs, Beck uses his soothing voice to console you, regardless of what type of problems you might have. By the time “Little One” has its climactic ending, you are ready to move on, which is helped along with the song “Side of the Road.” I can recommend this album to any person in the entire world, and as long as they can understand english, they will fall in love with this album as I did. I don’t know how I went 7 years of my life without listening to this masterpiece. It has helped me with so much in my life, and I hope everyone else in the world can experience its healing power as well.

1. Funeral (2004) – Arcade Fire: While Sea Change has the raw emotion for comforting you, Funeral has that and much more. In my opinion, Funeral should be up at the top of everyone’s list of their all-time favorite albums, as it is for me. It surpasses even some of the most acclaimed albums out there for me, resting very very close to the top. This is the first album in my entire life that I have listened to hundreds of times and have not even slightly grown sick of. I don’t even care if I can play the songs in their entirety in my head, there is nothing quite like listening to this album loud, letting it sink in. Very infrequently does an album combine raw emotion with masterful instrumentation and arrangement. Every single song on this album has the exact perfect amount of stuff going on inside it. Not so little that it gets boring, not so much that it is distracting. It’s sombre, empowering and peppy all at once. It expresses the feelings of children, adolescents and adults so that everyone can relate to it and fall in love with it. The songs are so well written, telling stories and even giving a few life lessons if so interpreted. These songs will rip into your chest and take hold of your heart, controlling your heartbeat. Some will stop your heart, others will make it pump like it never did before.

I never knew the 90′s had so much good alternative rock

That was a joke, the entire universe knows that the 90′s pretty much started and perfected the alt-rock scene. Everyone remembers stuff like Nevermind by Nirvana, Dookie by Green Day, Weezer (the blue one) by Weezer, (What’s the Story) Morning Glory? by Oasis, Ten by Pearl Jam, OK Computer by Radiohead, Siamese Dream by Smashing Pumpkins, Odelay by Beck, and a whole bunch of others. Well, the point is, I just started to listen to all of the “important” alternative albums of the 90′s, some of which was pretty obscure at the time but has grown in popularity since then. So, to make things simpler for me, I made a list of the top 10 alt-rock albums of the 90′s I only just heard but really liked a lot.

10.  Mezzanine (1998) – Massive Attack: This may not be alt-rock per-se, but it more closely resembles alt-rock than anything else. In my iTunes it is classified as Trip-Hop. Either way, it is fantastic, and there is a really high chance you have heard “Teardrop” before.

9. Summerteeth (1999) – Wilco: Are they a rock band, country band, pop band? I don’t really know how to classify them, so in iTunes they are labeled Alternative Country Rock. While it may not be exactly as good as Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, Summerteeth is still a fantastic album by Wilco and deserves to be heard. I look at it as the stepping stone for Wilco’s newer, more genre-bending music. Before Summerteeth, they were a lot more country sounding. Then they got semi-experimental, which led to this beauty. The selling point for this album is the fantastic “She’s A Jar.”

8. S/T (1993) – Frank Black: I love the Pixies. They are one of the best alt-rock bands of all time. I decided that it would be cool to get Black Francis’ (AKA Frank Black) solo work just to test the waters, and surprise surprise, he is very talented. His self-titled debut is full of very likeable songs that span a variety of different versions of alternative. Some of it is punky, some of it is noisy, some of it is poppy. It’s almost like it pays homage to all of the best alternative artists or albums or whatever. My favorite track is “Hang On To Your Ego.”

7. Bone Machine (1992) – Tom Waits: Tom Waits is just really cool. Not many people are able to make music as original as him. Bone Machine  is his darkest album I find, with all of the songs dealing with morbid themes, like death and decay. It’s hard not to be disturbed by this album at first to be perfectly honest. But while you are disturbed, you will also be blown away. It’s so well made and cohesive, you will want to listen to it over and over again, which is what I did for a while. If I had to pick a favorite, it would be “Goin’ Out West.”

6. Slanted & Enchanted (1992) – Pavement: Everyone calls this the most influential indie album of all time. I will not dispute this, because, despite the very high amount of praise this album gets ALL THE TIME, it still took me a very very long time to discover. The album itself is very solid, sounding like a toned down version of Psychocandy by The Jesus & Mary Chain. I hate to compare two different bands, but they both seem to be similar in theory. Noisy, distorted music wrapped around very accessible melodies. After listening to this album more than once, you will probably notice that you have heard the ghost of it in a lot of music since ’92. For instance, listen to “Trigger Cut,” and tell me you disagree with me.

5. The Soft Bulletin (1999) – The Flaming Lips: The Flaming Lips are one of those bands that I had heard were very good and that I must listen to them. But then I never did, until very recently. My verdict can be put into one word: original. I have never in my time heard anything that sounds like The Flaming Lips, particularly The Soft Bulletin . It’s just so damn good, so instantly loveable, so perfectly arranged.  It’s almost heavenly. Just listen to “Race For The Prize.”

4. Pinkerton (1996) – Weezer: Like many things considered “the best” in the modern age, Pinkerton bombed at first. But then, people realized that it’s actually good. So good in fact, that I consider it to be the best Weezer album available. Yes, I like Pinkerton more than The Blue Album. The reason I only just heard it is beyond me. It definitely is one of the less popular Weezer albums, for reasons unknown to me. I know pretty much the entire world loves Weezer’s debut because of how catchy and nerdy it is and what not. Well Pinkerton is just as catchy, only it’s much darker, which is good. It’s more mature. That isn’t to say it’s not fun, I mean just listen to “El Scorcho.”

3. Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain (1994) – Pavement: I like Pavement. They have no bad music. They also have two of the best albums of the 90′s, maybe of all time (I haven’t exactly thought that far ahead yet). I know many people prefer Slanted & Enchanted, but for me, Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain is their best album. It tones down the distortion, making it a more melodic album that is instantly memorable. I knew the rhythm of each of the songs after two full listens. Also, this album gave them their biggest hit, “Cut Your Hair,” which stands as one of their best songs. My favorite on the album, however, is “Gold Soundz,” which is also, in my opinion, their best song.

2. Loveless (1991) – My Bloody Valentine: I will admit, I had heard this album in the past. But, I was not able to appreciate it the first time I heard it. I was too close-minded. I thought it just sounded like noise. How very wrong I was. This album is one of the most beautiful albums I’ve ever heard, and it revolves almost entirely around the guitar work in it. What this band can do with guitars is pretty much mind blowing. Some of the songs almost remind me of rain forests… I don’t understand it either. But it’s not just ambient noise. The songs are so well put together, that you will never be able to forget them. Just listen to “When You Sleep,” and you will understand. This is an album that doesn’t focus on the singing, allowing it to be more of an instrument. It’s a masterpiece.

1. In The Aeroplane Over The Sea (1998) – Neutral Milk Hotel: If you have heard this album, you either love it or hate it. Either way, I don’t give two shits about what other people have to say about this album anymore. I downloaded it because a guy in my french class told me I needed to hear it. And then I did. And now I love it. I love this album more than many albums I have heard in my past. I don’t care whether or not it’s about Anne Frank (although it is obvious that it is at least inspired by her). I read that Jeff Magnum read The Diary of Anne Frank for the first time in 1998 or something and he was extremely depressed by it. I can understand that he would have put some focus about it into this album, considering songs like “Holland, 1945” and “Ghost.” But I will definitely not say that this album “ignites an eternal flame to those who perished in the holocaust” as this stupid video for a fantastic song says. Not much of this album is about the Holocaust. I can say that with confidence. So to make a video for “In The Aeroplane Over The Sea” that is only pictures of soldiers and Anne Frank is a huge misreading of this album. I don’t like the person who made that video. This album is an album about many many things, including Anne Frank. Big deal. This album is about what Jeff Magnum was feeling at the time of writing, which is clearly many, many things. I love this album more than most, and what other people say about it has already frustrated me to the point where I don’t care. I love it for the reasons I love it. Others have their own reasons. Others don’t even like it. I am okay with that.

Take Care, Math Isn’t Simple

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Manchester Orchestra just dropped a new album. Maybe you don’t even know who they are. I sure didn’t a week ago. But, what ended up happening was I found out IGN reviews music (I know, right). They gave the album, Simple Math, a 9.5 out of 10. I decided that was grounds to listen to it. This is my first Manchester Orchestra album ever, so I have not heard anything by them before. And I guess it’s alright. Apparently it’s supposed to be some sort of concept album about the lead singer’s life. I’m sure he put some passion into writing all of these songs, because the lyrics do seem to be pretty solid. But it’s the music part that has a problem. Nothing really stuck out, except the song April Fool, because I was trying really hard to figure out where I had heard it before. Turns out like every “rock band” from the past two decades had at least one song with very, very similar chord progression. Anyways, while you are listening to it, you may really enjoy Simple Math, but later on, you won’t be able to remember many of the songs. Except April Fool, because you have already heard it over 9000 times. I say a decent 2.5/4.

Another newish release is Explosions In The Sky’s Take Care, Take Care, Take Care. If you don’t know who they are, Explosions In The Sky are an instrumental post-rock band. So that means almost progressive songs that are upwards of 5 minutes each. That can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on the person. For me, it is neither. I don’t care about the length of songs or movies and stuff. I never get bored or distracted if what is long is good. And Explosions In The Sky have had problems with that in my books. Their debut, How Strange, Innocence, had one good song on it: A Song For Our Fathers. The rest wasn’t really that interesting. But, they redeemed themselves with the phenomenal The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place. Their next album, All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone, was good, but wasn’t very different than their older stuff. Take Care, Take Care, Take Care is a much more moody album than their past works, which makes it shine. Instead of being mainly guitar oriented, they’ve added multiple different instruments to the foreground, along with more pronounced effects on the guitar. If you listen closely, you can hear some strings going on. It’s definitely a beautiful album to say the least. I actually think it might replace Boards Of Canada as my go-to sleep music. I think it deserves 3.5/4.

I Guess I Have No Life.

For some reason, the Harry Potter wiki is under the impression that the Harry Potter books and the Harry Potter movies take place on the same years. I don’t think that is true, so I am going to prove that this is impossible.

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!

The books take place between the years 1991 to 1998. Throughout the series, a whole bunch of dates are thrown at you, so I decided to link them all together. On Lily and James Potter’s headstones, it says they were killed in 1981. It’s common knowledge that Harry was orphaned when he was one year old, so that means that Harry Potter was born in 1980. Harry was accepted to Hogwarts at the age of 11, meaning 1991. This would also mean that the Philosopher’s Stone was destroyed around June 1992, and therefore Nicolas Flamel (who was a real person) and his wife would have died late in 1992, after they had “set their affairs in order.” In late August of 1992, Harry was confronted by Dobby with a warning not to return to Hogwarts. Throughout the end of 1992 and beginning of 1993, Mrs. Norris, Colin Creevey, Nearly Headless Nick, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Penelope Clearwater and Hermione Granger were petrified by the Basilisk, a gigantic snake controlled by the Heir of Slitherin (AKA Voldemort). So, around June of 1993, the Basilisk is killed and Harry destroys his first Horcrux made by Voldemort (a big deal in the last book). Harry Potter attends his third year in September 1993. It is around December when Harry first learns that Sirius Black was a friend of Harry’s parents and I guess that made him angry when Harry thought he was the one who sold them out. Then, in late spring of 1994, Sirius Black turns out to have been framed by the extremely ugly Wormtail (fun fact, he was Ron’s pet rat). Wormtail ditches everyone and goes to help Voldemort return to form. So in 1994, Ireland wins the Quidditch World Cup, and Harry is unwillingly made a Triwizard champion, along with Cedric Diggory, Fleur Delacour, and Viktor Krum. Around June 1995, Voldemort rises back to power thanks to Wormtail making a potion. Cedric Diggory is killed and everyone cries (or cheers in 2008 after watching Twilight). Later that year, Harry and Dudley are attacked by Dementors, and Harry is expelled briefly for underage magic usage. Dumbledore comes to the rescue and Harry is cleared of all charges. It also turns out that everyone thinks Harry is an attention whore and just made up the whole “Voldemort came back” thing. Until Cornelius Fudge (or should I say Umbridge’s love) sees Voldemort at the ministry. Also, R.I.P. Sirius Black (around 1960-1996). So by September 1996 everyone thinks Harry is the “Chosen One” and stuff. Dumbledore takes Harry through a bunch of memories explaining Voldemort’s Horcruxes throughout 1996 and 1997. Then Snape kills Dumbledore and everyone (including me) cries again. So, now it’s 1997 and pretty much everything is fucked. Dumbledore can’t protect Harry anymore. A whole bunch of unnecessary deaths happen (here lies Dobby – A free elf) and I cry multiple times because of this. By 1998, pretty much everyone cool in the entire series has died. Then Harry learns about all of the Deathly Hallows, which Dumbledore decided to only hint at, and leave Harry to solve it. Also, turns out Dumbledore had a shaky past. So, Voldemort goes and attacks Hogwarts. Harry, being the idiot that he is, goes and gets him self killed. The end. LOL JK he survives another Killing Curse somehow. Neville becomes a badass, and more people die. Then, Harry somehow deflects another Killing Curse with Expelliarmus, and Voldemort dies. Through magical math, I determined that Voldemort was born in 1926. How did I figure this out you may ask. Well, in Chamber of Secrets, it is 1992. 50 years earlier, it was 1942, and Voldemort was 16. That means, he was born in 1926. Impressive how I did that, isn’t it? So, Rest in Pieces Tom Riddle, you lived an impressive 72 years.

The movies can’t have taken place in those years for a few reasons. First of all, Uncle Dursley drives a 2001 Vauxall Astra station wagon. 2001 is not 1991.  Not to mention every car on Privet Drive is clearly an early 2000′s station wagon. You know what is super 90′s? VCRs. But, when the VCR is attached to a small silver JVC tv, it screams early 2000′s, and Dudley had one in Prisoner of Azkaban. In Order of the Phoenix, the Dursley’s are watching a big screen LCD or Plasma TV. In The Deathly Hallows pt 1, the Dursley’s car is clearly a 2008-2010 model of some car that I can’t tell. I know it’s modern though. Also, when the trio goes to the cafe, the waitress is wearing earbuds, which were introduced in the early 2000′s.  Lastly, when Hermione is all sad that Ron bitched out on the other two, Harry dances with her to a song on the radio. Well, that song was released in 2004. BOOM! Lawyered (I realize I’m not a lawyer). There is no way that the movies and books follow the same timeline.

Now I’m trying to think of why I spent the last 2 hours writing this when I could have been doing something that ISN’T extremely lame and dorky. Oh well.

What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?

I used to think that my favorite scary movie was The Silence of the Lambs, but then I decided that it isn’t a horror movie. Then I decided to watch all 4 Scream movies, and now the first is my favorite scary movie I guess.

The first one must have been completely original and stuff when it came out way back in the 90′s. It was unpredictable, the kills were original, and the characters were all great. Randy is by far my favorite, just because he’s into movies in the same why I am. I would much rather sit through a movie I’ve already seen 400 times than go look at the mutilated corpse of my Principal (that’s not to say I want anything to happen to the principal of my school, because I know our school faculty checks the internet for anything about them). And I can proudly say that I would survive if there was a serial killer like the one in Scream because I am a virgin. Not to say I hold anything against non-virgins. Seriously, what are the chances of someone in the school going crazy and killing a bunch of people. So yes, to anyone who is reading this and goes to my school, go off and have as much sex as you want. Anyways, I just got a bit off topic. The reason I love Scream so much is because it is so High School, which I currently attend. So, at the risk of sounding completely cheesy, I can relate to it and it’s characters, which is a very good sign. Also, Stu is so hilariously over the top that I got over the fact that he succumbed to peer-pressure. So yeah, 4/4.

Scream 2 is pretty cool as well I guess. Actually no, I didn’t like it anywhere near as much as the first. The intro was nowhere near as legendary as in the first, AND Randy dies. I know, I know, it’s a spoiler. Whatever, I was devastated when it happened. Also, it takes place at a university, which I can’t relate to just yet. Wait, come to think of it, I did enjoy the first hour of it. It was about the part where the whole theater crew comes in that I stopped liking it. And the final showdown on stage? Lame (along with the stage effects that Sidney uses on the killer). I will admit that I didn’t see who the killers (there’s always an accomplice) was, but that may have been because it was so out of the blue that I just didn’t dig it. Actually, one of the killers was cool. The other, not so much. Therefore, 3/4

Scream 3 was decent. I liked parts and didn’t like the other. The main thing I liked was all of the movies in it. “Stab” and “Stab 2″ are basically horror movies based on the events of Scream and Scream 2 that are IN Scream 3. Granted, Stab was one of the main plot devices of Scream 2, so it made sense. But what I REALLY loved was that one guy was like “People are just mad because they killed Randy in Stab 2.” DAMN STRAIGHT! Other than that, the movie was like thew other Screams, except half-assed. It’s probably because they got a different writer. Either way, the movie could be better, but is still necessary for the Scream series, and so it gets 2.5/4.

Scream 4 was awesome. It was so very very clever for people like me who have watched ALL of the horror movies since Scream 3. All of the references were so well done, and the cameos ruled. I didn’t see the ending coming at all, and the intro was probably the best out of all of the Screams. I do have some gripes though. First of all, Emma Roberts is only a half good actress. That’s really it, actually. She’s the only one I had any problems with. For all I know, she was good in all of her other movies. BUT, all of the other characters were awesome. Especially Charlie and Robbie, who remind me of Randy from Scream and Scream 2 (reminder, he was my favorite character). So yeah, 3.4/5.